Why Rejection Made Me Better

I still remember my first real rejection. I’d been dreading it happening but knew it would happen one day. I was still in the early days of going solo as a freelancer, and my business was still in its infancy.

I had hoped I’d get a kind rejection with an explanation of why I wasn’t good enough. Perhaps some constructive criticism to help me improve.

What I got was brutal. The client in question told me to change careers because I was so bad.

There was no feedback.

Why the harsh treatment was the best

Looking back, the harsh (completely undeserved) response was the best thing for me. Of course, at the time, I was devastated and anxious. But in the end, it was sort of like ripping off a plaster. You just need to close your eyes and do it.

And it made me realise something. Sometimes, you will come up against people that are never going to see your worth. They are never going to like what you have to offer, but that doesn’t mean you should give in. Receiving such harsh criticism taught me that rejection will happen but that it doesn’t really change anything.

I was so afraid of my first rejection happening that when it happened, it wasn’t nearly so bad as I thought it would be. And really, the lack of constructive feedback made me toughen up. This man clearly wasn’t worth my time.

But did rejection actually help?

Yes. It really did.

Before this turning moment in my career, I was always afraid of upsetting a client. I was constantly tiptoeing around them, bending over backwards to make sure they were happy no matter the cost to me.

But then I got the rudest email of my life. And nothing bad really happened, and certainly nothing changed.

That’s when I realised that being rejected by one client doesn’t mean I’m not good at my job. It doesn’t mean the world will end, my business will collapse, and I’ll never work again. When all is said and done, that rejection gave me more confidence in my own abilities than anything I’d done so far.

How to handle rejection

I say all this with hindsight on my side. At the time, I cried. But now, when things don’t go my way, I take a minute to properly think about the situation. If you are afraid of rejection, have recently suffered a big set back or just want to find some good in a bad situation, here are the things that I learnt about being rejected that could help you.

Take a deep breath

Your first reaction is going to be emotional. You might feel sad, angry, outraged, or like you don’t deserve it. You need to stop and breathe. Reacting emotionally isn’t going to help anyone. Don’t talk back, don’t send an email or pick up the phone. There is plenty of time to respond.

Feel the emotion

It’s okay to be upset or even angry. It’s natural. And you won’t be able to move forward until you have dealt with whatever you’re feeling. After you’ve taken a second to just breathe, try to work out what emotion you’re feeling. Is it unjust? Are you mad? Are you upset because you tried your best? Think about it and let the feeling happen.

Ask yourself if it matters

Rejection isn’t pleasant, but it isn’t the end of the world. For me, it meant not working with one client on two articles a month; it didn’t really matter. Unless this specific rejection really is the end of the world, try to put it in perspective. Maybe you didn’t get the job you wanted. Does this mean you can’t reapply elsewhere or improve your qualification to try again later? Chances are, as much as it sucks, it isn’t the end of everything.

Get away from it

I got the email at the end of the day, which meant I had all evening to process and think about something else. Go for a walk, or go out for lunch. Whatever it is, don’t sit and stare at your computer or your phone. Get away from it. Not only will this help you get perspective, but you won’t be tempted to react and fire off an email you might regret.

Let it go

It’s hard, and you won’t be able to let it go immediately, but you need to let it go. Sometimes, no answer at all is the best response. Let it lie. Move on and do better. There is no better response to criticism than success.

Moving past rejection

My rejection came after I sent the first draft of a trial project. I made it clear it wasn’t perfect. I said I expected feedback and that it wasn’t polished. I was told the piece was “drivel”. I replied, reexplaining that it wasn’t finished, but I received another rude response telling me to give up. It was then I realised that some people just aren’t worth your energy.

Now, if I receive constructive feedback or criticism given in the kindest way possible, I try my hardest to listen. But if I receive total disrespect and rudeness, I ignore it.

Rejection and criticism are important to help you improve. Rudeness is not. Some people don’t want to give feedback.

My rejection helped me toughen up, get a thicker skin and stand up for myself. In the end, it’s been a good thing. As hard as it is, your rejection will be a lesson. You just need to find it. Use your rejection as the foundation to move on to bigger and better things. I did.